


Thieves.

by patchesc137



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Dumbass Dwarves, F/M, Flirting, Fluff, Nudity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-10-24 12:30:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20706035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patchesc137/pseuds/patchesc137
Summary: Someone stole reader's clothes while she was bathing. Now she has to find them.





	Thieves.

**Author's Note:**

> They would.
> 
> ( ps i take requests @patches-c137 on tumblr oxo )

It's more than just a bath in a river. It's a cleansing. You can't remember the last time you had a chance to soak, to wash all the journey's troubles and dirt from your skin. You barely remembered what color it was before you got in, using the dwindling bar of soap to assist in the process. The water wasn't even that cold, and you felt lucky that this is where you stopped, instead of somewhere earlier up the road. Small fish swim around your feet, weeds tickle at your toes. You're merry enough to sing an old folk song you learned from your mother, birds seeming to call back to you in an instant. The other members- the ones who had agreed to bathe, that is- had allowed you some privacy, something you hadn't gotten much of on the quest. You were grateful for the alone time. However, all good things must come to an end, you were sad to realize. Once you were thoroughly clean, and your finger tips wrinkled, and the sun was just going down over the green hills, you knew you had to get out and return to the party.

The water that fell from you as you approached the shore line glimmered in the retreating rays of sunlight, and you sighed in delight as you wrung your hair onto the dirt. With a seemingly permanent smile, you made your way to the rock you'd left your towel and clothes on, prepared to dry yourself off and cover yourself properly before you faced the company. There was only 1 problem: your clothes were gone.

Gone! How could that possibly be? You left the company laughing and hollering by a roaring fire. You were alone for your bath (or so you thought). Were there animals around that were prone to stealing tunics and trousers, and using them for their nests? Your cheeks grow hot with embarrassment and frustration. The rag that you grabbed to dry off with would barely cover anything that needed to be covered, and you couldn't just walk back to the men naked! For dignity's sake- they would find it far too funny for you to ever live it down.

It's your choice, after standing for another moment, that you slowly and silently make your way back, ducking behind trees and bushes alike as you found the familiar path. Still no sign of your clothes, not even a piece where a wild animal might have torn them apart. Lovely. It's behind a pine that you can see all of the dwarves around the camp, telling tales and laughing, shoving each other in playful ways that you would find amusing if you were stark naked in the middle of a thicket of trees. The good news (at least there was some) was that all of their packs were with their sleeping rolls, including yours. You have some extra clothes in there, as they all did, and you sighed in relief, knowing that they at least wouldn't see you walking around with just a sliver of cloth on.

You throw the poor excuse for a towel down on the ground, taking your chance to sprint toward the backpack you knew was yours. Thank Mahal. Ripping open the top, you searched and dug and emptied the bag, but alas- no clothes. Not a single tunic, not a set of trousers. Not even your unmentionables, which you knew had been in there just that morning. What in the world-

"Looking for something, lass?"

You pause. You should have known. Of course they would, they're... they're delinquents! Troublemakers! You stand up, now unconcerned with whether or not you were exposed to the world. Only annoyance and a grand dose of frustration was on your face, hands on your hips. Turning to spot Fili and Kili just outside of your reach, they hold up all of your clothes, including your undergarments handing precariously from Kili's finger. They would fall any moment, and all the brothers can do is grin their stupid grins.

"Give those back right now," you practically growl, keeping your voice low enough that the others in the company would not hear.

"What's the fun in that?" Kili beams, shaking the clothes like they were some sort of bait.

Fili does the same. "You aren't making a very good argument for why we should," he adds, smile matching that of his younger brother's. There's a moment when they take a quick glance over you, and you would blush, if you weren't so mad.

"Give them back," you spit again. "Or I'll tell your Uncle of the dirty drawings you have in your packs,"

A pause. Fili and Kili look at each other, contemplating the consequences, looking to debate whether the pros outweighed the cons, before they both shrugged.

"Seems worth it,"

And then the brothers take off. Your glare is pointed, could kill a man (or a dwarf), but that wouldn't be enough. "Get back here, you fiends!" you cry, running after them, the wind stinging your cool and exposed body. You couldn't care less about that, now. All you wanted was for the Durin boys to be caught. Which is why you ran all the way to the camp, chasing them around an exasperated company, Fili and Kili laughing, you screaming at them to stop being children.

"Enough!"

It's Thorin who speaks up on your behalf. His nephews stop immediately, all three of you catching your breath in the light of the fire. The party remains silent as Thorin stalks over to Fili and Kili, taking every piece of your clothing from them with a stern look. He holds them out to you, trying to preserve some of your privacy by not looking at your... well, anything.

"You two will be the death of me," you exclaim, snatching the clothes and putting them on as quickly as possible. "Do you know what it's like, running around the forest naked?!" You realize you put your shirt on backwards, and have to remove it and try again. "No, you don't! Imagine if I had run into a wolf, or touched something poisonous or... or-!" Once you're covered, you finally turn to the company. All are shaking, eyes averted. They're trying not to laugh.

"It's not funny!"

Oh, but apparently it is. They all burst into laughter at once, the sound roaring over the fire and the trees, causing birds nesting there to spread their wings and fly, scared, into the sky. "You... you-!" You try to stay angry, but they're merry. Jolly. Even one of Thorin's fist covers his mouth to hide his amusement. You shake your head, ducking to hide your own growing smile.

It's Fili and Kili who step up beside you while the others devolve into sputtering fools, two pairs of your unmentionables dangling from their palms.

"We're keeping these," says Kili, shoving them into his pocket before you can grab for them.

"As souvenirs," adds Fili, grabbing you by the waist before you can lunge at him.

"You look different than we thought you would naked,"

"But that's not to say we're disappointed,"

"I'll get you back for this!" you say through giggles, forgiveness almost instant as the brothers all but carry you to the circle. They answer in unison.

"Looking forward to it!"


End file.
